– Postulate or imply the existence of some other or extended version of what we experience as the reality of existence in our waking life. Whether we call it other life or lives, parallel realities or whatever have you, without the idea of “something more” to life, the whole point of a religious or spiritual search becomes irrelevant

– Assert in one way or another that knowing (and acting accordingly with) the “truth” of ultimate or extended reality, will somehow help us “get better” – either by reaping immediate results in this life (e.g. making us peaceful, healthy, happy) or by rewarding us in the future (e.g. going to a heavenly state).

In brief, any authentic spiritual path aims to get its followers into the knowledge of ultimate reality and its rules, which it perceives to be of ultimate short- or long-term benefit for the individual.

Here we do not mean to go “pro” or “against” any particular religion or spirituality. It is rather about the practice at the level of the individual, which often involves mistaken approaches that seem to ignore and actually contradict the very aim of the spiritual practice – which is to know ultimate reality and by knowing it, to improve our existence.

Blind adherence

By missing the aim of the particular path/religion they try to follow, people are often conditioned by the idea that they are born into particular tradition and therefore are obliged to go with it. Being born in a Christian family, one feels stuck that he has to believe into Christian dogma; has to believe even if his personal life experience might show him exactly the contrary of what the tradition teaches.

Letting their tradition be predefined by their cultural or family milieu, people give up the very idea of questioning the truths and/or methods of practice. Every ritual, every idea that comes with the particular tradition is taken for granted and followed blindly. Nobody bothers to give a second (or even first) thought about the real meaning and function of what they practice.

The conditioning (conscious or unconscious) becomes so deep that while there is uncritical acceptance by the individual, any trace of inquisitiveness is lacking. The person never seeks personal validation of the truths presented to him.

While above defects in our personal practice of spiritual/religious paths is not exhaustive, those seem to be some of the root ones. By naming them “defects”, we do not mean it in pejorative or judgmental way but rather in terms of efficiency as to achieving the very purpose of spiritual paths.

What is the ultimate result? We end up having countless “paper” Christians, “paper” Muslims, “paper“ Buddhists etc. and very few who actually embody in their personalities the fruit of spiritual practice. People “belonging” to a particular tradition rather than living it as their own personal truth. People that never experience and integrate within themselves even a piece of the virtues of their tradition. People that never question and are never eager (nor encouraged) to explore the truths.

Taste it for yourself

By never applying a healthy level of doubt and unwilling to have personal taste of truth, people end up living in accordance with truth which is not their own, a truth which is hoped for or feared of but never personal. Common religious ideas like “do not do to others what you do not want to be done to yourself” or “karmic consequences” of your actions, become empty of meaning as their validity is based on pure intellectual acceptance with no living proof ever available.

Ultimately, the willingness to question and seek the validity of spiritual truths in our own experience and as our life unfolds, seems to be the only meaningful and sane approach for those who have authentic spiritual aspirations.

Keep an open mind and be willing to explore deeply and personally any truth before claiming it as your own. Whatever the “absolute truth” is, it is absolute exactly because it is beyond time. It will be there for you and does not need you to be in a hurry. No matter how many “untruths” you might choose to investigate and invalidate along your path, it is ok.

Any untruth that you dig into in your life experience by definition can only get you closer to the truth. In fact, while each of us approaches the same ultimate discovery from a different direction, for some of us the sidetracks along the road seem to be necessary to allow us recognize without any shadow of doubt once we have reached the end of the journey.

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While each perspective would explain spirituality with different terminology and ideas, it seems that all the answers still have something in common. Whether we talk about God, universal laws, evolution of consciousness etc., ultimately it seems that we always mean some form of reality that extends beyond our normal senses and beyond the reach of our measurement devices. In fact, this is exactly a statement which a spiritual teacher in one of the major religions once gave about his tradition – that it is a method for experiencing and knowing the reality as it is. So, while the different versions of spirituality might disagree on what there is, they all seem to posit that there is something beyond the reality we currently perceive.

Now, while I do have my own spiritual beliefs and experiences, I will try to stay unbiased and not try to advocate any particular version of spirituality. My point is rather to demonstrate why the spiritual search is relevant for us and how we are actually always on a spiritual path (even when we might not be consciously aware of the fact).

The rules of the game

No matter what we call “reality”, it is for sure that it affects us. If there is any structure, a framework of existence, then the logical assumption is that it functions based on some principles, rules, universal laws whatever we want to call it. As far as the individual himself is part of or functions within that reality, it is implied that the more we know those laws and abide by them, the more we ourselves will function in a smooth manner.

We can use the physical analogy of the car traffic – while obviously we can choose how to drive our car, unless we know and respect the traffic rules, we are much more likely to get into a car accident. Similarly, if there is indeed “a bigger reality” which affects us, the better we know its rules the less “crashes” we will go through in our lives. By the same example, it does not make any difference whether we believe or not in the rules – in any case if we do not follow them, we shall suffer the consequences. Similarly, whether we believe in expanded reality or not, if it does exist, we cannot avoid its effects.

Now, the next question is how do we know if bigger reality exists indeed? What would you say to a person who states: “If such reality exists, I do agree that it is useful to know it better. However, how can you convince me that it does exist? If I am not convinced, following a spiritual path seems to be a waste of time.”

Our own inner hints

This question is obviously not applicable to those who already have their spiritual beliefs but rather to those who claim to believe only in what they can see, hear, smell etc. For the latter, I might not have a definite answer but would rather challenge them with some questions:

“Are you 100% fine with every single moment of your existence? Do you sometimes feel that something is not quite right? A subtle feeling that there is something you are missing in the big picture (even if you might not have any clue what it might be)? Have you ever felt longing without any idea what you long for?”

Most people would answer with “Yes” to such questions without much hesitation. This “Yes” often comes from their own inner voice that tries to attract the attention, suggesting that there is something more to be discovered. The very existence of this voice is an evidence to the existence of a bigger picture. Whether you perceive it as your own subconscious or give it other name, you are puzzled by it exactly because it does not fit into your present perspective and understanding. And if it does not fit, by definition it is beyond. You do not know about its existence but it knows about yours (otherwise you could never hear it). Even if but one time, you have experienced a feeling without a clue as to why you have it, this is a proof of a missing piece.

Am I or am I not?

Paradoxically, it seems that no matter how we perceive ourselves (as believers in God-creator, religious, atheists etc.) in practical terms we always are on a spiritual search. As far as we look for happiness, peace, harmony, material well-being – we are effectively looking for a smooth travel throughout life experience. The very fact of seeking such a smooth travel is a spiritual search because understanding ultimately reality (whatever it might be) is the only way in which the smoothness of the travel can be attained.

The distinction between spiritual and non-spiritual people is purely artificial. We are all in the same boat. We are all spiritual seekers the only difference being whether it is conscious seeking or not. And this is exactly the reason why, contrary to wide-spread attitudes the spiritual search is relevant to each and every one of us – possibly in ways we cannot still imagine.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4

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Before the actual story, still for those who have no background knowledge, below is some general information. Ayahuasca is a shamanic potion that induces psychedelic experience. It is used as an approach to physical and mental healing, as well as a path to spiritual and self-knowledge. The active component of the ayahuasca brew is the DMT qualified as a psychedelic drug by mainstream science.

Why normally “drug” implies some form of “foreign” element to the human body, this is not the case with DMT. The body is familiar with the substance as it is produced by the pineal gland and seems to take active role into the process of dreaming and also in experiences perceived as paranormal or metaphysical such as near-death experiences, astral travel etc. Finally, there is much evidence that the pineal gland is what in some eastern spiritual traditions is referred to as “the third eye”.

Why for many decades mainstream science seemed to have no common ground with religion and spirituality, in more recent times it began to find evidence that seem to indicate that many religious or spiritual phenomena are real and not purely the product of myth and fantasy. As far as the DMT, there is a book called “DMT: The spirit molecule” by psychiatrist Dr Rick Strassman documenting his clinical research with DMT injected to sixty volunteers. There is also a documentary with the same name available for streaming on YouTube.

With above introduction and exactly as written down by the person after his experience, below is:

The actual story

“The reason why I decided to write down this particular personal experience with ayahuasca (I have tried it several times on different occasions and with different people) is two-fold.

First, the impulse that I should somehow share my experience came while I was still in that altered state of consciousness and it felt as something that could provide a useful reference point for others.

Secondly, this was the first time when some valuable insights and profound truths came to me as a living experience – truths that I have read about, ideas that I have pondered upon intellectually but hardly ever experienced in such a vivid and personal manner.

I shall skip the details of the location and overall environment in which the event took place. It is enough to say that it was organized in a safe place with the supervising participation of trusted friends having practical knowledge in that kind of things. On this particular occasion I was the only one to “get high” and they were the ones to provide the caring support which one often needs in those states.

The actual part started with me drinking the brew (the two components mixed together rather than separate). Then, with a blindfold on my face to isolate the distracting effect of my eye sensory input, the three of us went into silent meditation.

The moment of transition from “ordinary” to “altered” state of consciousness was, as it has been on previous experiences, not clearly distinguishable. When the impulse to cleanse myself through vomiting (so far I always go through this stage) came, I had removed the blindfold and was leaning over the bucket. Though it can hardly be called “a pleasant” experience, it feels as something “that is right” to happen.

Somehow you know that there is something inside you; something you cannot name and you are not even sure if there is “substance” to it. You do not label it as either good or bad. You just know that “something” does not belong there and the right way to dispose of it is through vomiting. Even though you know you need to throw it away there is some process of resistance taking place and this is what makes it physically exhausting (never felt painful but rather exhausting).

While I was ongoing through the cleansing I could hardly pay attention to anything else (just occasional pictures of the surroundings). Only when I was done with it and “unburdened” (this is how it felt) on all levels, I switched back to being aware of the input from my senses without “gaps”.

This was the stage that was very much “Alice in Wonderland”. Everything perceived (in particular the visual input) was so vivid and overwhelming that it seemed to leave no space for “thinking” about it or at least not in the ordinary sense. Without the intellect, the analysing part, you cannot even say if it is pleasant or unpleasant perception. It seems that the only thing there is or the dominant aspect is the act of perceiving itself. At the same time, this act of perceiving was very clear, vivid, sharp and kind of panoramic. Panoramic in the sense that even when I was looking in one particular direction it was as if I perceived the whole picture, not only the particular focal point of eyesight.

When the intensity of the perception subsided by a degree, the thought process was restarted (or maybe I just became more aware of it) but its coherence developed only gradually. Even though my mind felt very clear, I was having difficulty to “voice out” my thoughts. It was as if I was lacking the vocabulary or was slow in finding the appropriate words to convey a thought or idea, which was perfectly clear in my head.

With the effects subsiding further and me becoming more consistent in thought and speech, I felt light and relaxed. I was already active in talking to my friends but the talk was of different quality. Somehow the thoughts and ideas I was sharing were pouring out by themselves. The formulating of a thought did not seem to precede its expression even by the fraction of a second. It was as if the thought was voicing itself out in the very same moment it was being formulated. There seemed to be no intention involved.

In a similar manner, when listening to what my friends were saying, I did not need to maintain intentional focus on the speaking person. The hearing and the interpretation of the meaning seemed to happen naturally without effort or intention. Last but not least, I was speaking my thoughts in English (which is not my native language) without even going through “mental translation” (which is common in my “normal” state where I first “think” it in my native language and then translate it). This was funny and amazing realization.

The final but most valuable stage for me came when only the more subtle effect of the ayahuasca had remained. The overwhelming perceptions and sensations had disappeared but I was relaxed and with a clear mind and wanted to make use of it through meditation.

I was offered to smoke weed (which is known to invite deeper inner focusing). As I am a non-smoker even of cigarettes, I had a single puff only. Then I closed my eyes and tried to meditate in a “formal way” i.e. being cross-legged, spine straight etc. Tried it for some time but the pre-conceived “correct way” to meditate seemed to bear a hint of insistence about what, when and how should happen.

That insistence felt incoherent with my overall feeling of lightness and relaxation. I just laid on the sofa in a position that felt comfortable enough not to urge much movement of body. I closed my eyes and tried just to be aware, without any purpose whatsoever. It was then that the insights started pouring in. Well, not right away.

With the first “sinking” in the observation, a subtle feeling that “something”, a flow, a force, not sure what, was speeding up in preparation to take me somewhere. The feeling was similar to when one is on an airplane that is about to take off. The engines are on, their noise more and more intense even though the plane itself is still frozen on the spot.

In the same way in which the increasing intensity of the noise from the plane engines “tells you” that you are just about to rush, there was an intuitive hint in that state (no noise) that I was going to rush for somewhere as soon as enough momentum was gained. There was no notion or thought about anything actually dangerous. There was, however, some fear or better call it uneasy feeling about the idea of speeding up, speed that will take you away and which you cannot control. Along with it was the resistance to let go.

Being aware of the impulse to take off and the resistance to it at the same time, I mentally tried to “state out loud” my intention to let go, let go the control and go with the flow, knowing and trusting that wherever it would take me, it would be to my ultimate benefit. This “technique” I summoned out of my readings over the years and accounts from other people that have being through such experiences and spiritual teachers, who often affirm that the ultimate problem, the ultimate obstacle and the ultimate pain in those states is the resistance of the illusionary ego and its unwillingness to let go with the flow.

The more I was reaffirming my willingness to let go, the more the feeling of “speeding up” subsided and I did not actually rush for anywhere (or maybe I was taken to the destination in a flash). There I was, not in a particular place or location but in some kind of vibrational energetic state. Keeping still, eyes closed, I lost sense of my body. Not that I did not have control of my physical body (I opened my eyes and moved a hand just to check) but it was rather that I allowed myself to be to be still and not be distracted from the state.

At first, I seemed to go through some energetic cleansing and charge up. Having lost sensation of my physical body my perception of myself was as some form of energy confined in a “contour”. Even though I now call it energy, I did not perceive it in any particular terms, it was just “something” which existed and had a dynamic, moving, flow-like quality to it but within certain boundary.

Somehow “knowing” that it was “me” in some very essential form, I was inviting a recharge, I was inviting to be recharged energetically, be replenished in whatever way was appropriate and relevant in that particular moment of existence. The invitation seemed to be favoured. I felt inflow of energy in all my areas but most noticeably in my head and my abdomen area (not that I perceived any shape of head or abdomen, just “knew”). The energy that was replenishing me, I did not know its origin but just “made a decision”, that no matter where it came from, its effect on me would be beneficial, reviving, enriching.

Another aspect perceived (not sure about the sequence of events) was that even though the overall movement of energy was “healthy” and in the way “it is supposed to be”, there was some kind of energetic tension in the area perceived as the abdomen and the lower back. It felt as if there was overload of energy in those areas, which was trying to force open valves in the contour and free flow to the outside. Again, there was some aspect of me resisting.

Without any particular suggestion from another source, I felt that by opening the valves, I would release the tension of energy, I would actually feel better but still I was resisting. The previously used technique worked fine also this time – by repeatedly “stating out loud” my intention to open myself, it happened.

There was some playful attitude involved along with a hint of distrust. It was like “Okay, I know I need to open but this resistance…okay, let’s try it…I open the valves…just a bit…seems noting bad, the tension just relaxed a bit, so maybe if I let open more…” and so on. As this was going on, the idea of opening out “beyond” the contour, came the realization that “spreading your energy out” (which experientially felt like untying energy knots in my contour) automatically implied also “letting external energy flow in” my contour. The only way to release one’s energetic tension was through opening and letting external energies in. If you want to “stay away” from the external energy, you are bound to bear the burden of your own energetic tension.

In the next moment, this perspective of energy inflow and outflow emerged as an explanation of another metaphysical and spiritual truth that is often talked about. The truth that no real happiness, peace, harmony (whatever we may call it) is actually possible on individual level unless we direct that same intent for others. The act of intending the happiness (or lack of tension in others) seemed to be the act through which we open energetically and release our own tension.

Even though this realization seemed to be newly discovered, at the same time there was no feeling of surprise involved, it felt perfectly natural, perfectly logical. It did not feel like “remembering” and still there was a hint that somehow I always knew it.

At that stage, I guess I was already surrendered, allowing for “come what may” and trusting that whatever came would somehow bring benefit to me, leave a positive insight etc. It was a blissful state, however, not in euphoric terms. With no particular purpose or earthly concerns, there was some spontaneous joy and satisfaction in the mere awareness of existence.
In that awareness without particular invitation, series of realizations were coming and going. They came as a feeling of certain universal facts and having felt them, I was relating them to concepts and ideas I knew from my “ordinary” states.

For example, a thought appeared about a particular person in my life who had hurt me. Without any particular effort or intent, without analysing “the history” of my relationship with that person, without thinking about “the bad things” he had done to me – I just recognized my wish that this person be happy and harmonious. That wish was there without any particular reason, without any conscious decision on my side.

In a state where you are blissful in the mere awareness of existence, with no feeling whatsoever that you need or lack anything, it felt perfectly natural that you wish all the best to everybody you can think of as there is nothing you demand from others and thus no reason to be disappointed by them. I actually experimented by invoking different people from my life whom normally I associate with not so pleasant personal experiences and the automatic “wish him/her the best” was always there. The term “unconditional love” which is often used in spiritual context seemed to fit perfectly.

The messages continued to come and go and without particularly intending it, it was always like that – I first “felt” a truth, and on becoming aware of it, I recognized it and related it to a term or idea from my “theoretical background”.

Now that I come to think about it, it looks as if I was making a list of inventory, inviting the experience of certain universal truths to be able to relate them to the language of the intellect so that they could sink in and (I hoped) would invisibly affect my life experience and attitudes for the better.

I actually “stated out loud” many wishes, wishes that I would never forget those realizations and in the most appropriate way they would sink in my being and I would keep the energy of those truths in me and would act accordingly and try to emit that energy to others. I did all those wishes with intention and purpose (they say that in those vibrational states thoughts and intention have much more creative power)

Yet any wish I made was very different in a way. Even though sincere and conscious, each wish was made automatically without insistence. You make a wish and then let go, trusting that if and when necessary, the Universe will manifest what you wished for and if it does not, things will be fundamentally perfect anyway.

Among other truths felt, was exactly the same appreciation, love and joy for any “other” which I felt for “myself”. Neither “me” nor “them” seemed to be worse or better but equally worthy. The love and appreciation for “self” and “other” seemed to take place simultaneously without any contradiction.

There was also some kind of universal gratitude, a recognition and appreciation of the fact that everything and everybody that I experienced in my life, had somehow contributed to where I was at that moment. Even the pains caused seemed to be a catalyser, an incentive to evolve.

The truths recognized were fulfilling and soothing. In my ordinary state I would be “hungry” to get the best of it, to experience as much insights as possible. In that state, however, I was perfectly satisfied with what was coming to me effortlessly and with my recognition and appreciation of it.

Well, there was actually something I did wish. I do believe and I always imagined that in those states there would be “somebody” – a higher self, a spiritual guide, something or someone “external” that would teach me, guide me. I have this longing to “make contact”. So in that state I made that wish but with the light attitude and in a semi-joking manner: “Ok, now that I was shown so many truths and realizations which I shall try to properly digest, maybe it is about time that someone out there will show his presence in a more explicit manner.”

Again, though being an authentic wish of mine it was made with the attitude of no insistence. I wished to experience “somebody else” and yet I was not conditioned by that. Whether “he” would appear or not was perfectly ok. If there was indeed somebody beyond me, I knew that when the time was right, he would come. Even if there were nobody, it would still be ok.

I conclude with one last insight that came in the form of a question and an automatic intuitive answer. As I was relating my discoveries to familiar concepts of my intellect, a question came to my mind. Is it possible that because I read such and such books, listened to such and such spiritual teachings etc., because of this, I am conditioned by those pre-conceived ideas and my mind is “inventing” certain experiences, “truths” that seem to match those ideas?

The answer came immediately not as an outright affirmation or negation but rather as a suggestion with a nuance of mocking my doubt in a friendly manner. “Well, even if you are right and your mind is able to “invent” those truths, this is just to prove you that you can also use it to “invent” anything else that you want”.

Some final words:

I do invite anybody who will eventually read this personal account to regard it as what it actually is – a personal experience in a personal quest for knowledge and understanding.

In no way do I advise “for” or “against” the use of ayahuasca or any other similar paths to knowledge. The decision should always be personal. The phenomena experienced by me seemed relevant and appropriate for my particular “level” in that particular moment. The interpretation of their ultimate meaning is also subjective and I can only render it in terms of “the way it felt”.

In fact, I am sure that this was what the title says – a “glimpse” into more expanded picture of reality and I was just an inexperienced traveller and there is so much way to go before I could even allow to myself the idea of having a real knowledge of it.

May this personal story serve in any appropriate way all those who happen to read it in their personal quest towards ultimate happiness!

May the energy of my gratitude and appreciation be always there for my friends who supported me in this particular experience. May it be there for everybody who, one way or another served as a teacher in my life. May it be there for one person in particular, who years ago became (and still is) an inspiration and example for me to dare my first steps out of my comfort zone with the understanding that my life experience is not something that happens to me but rather manifests through me.”

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