From the point of view of each and every individual – life is only what one perceives it to be. In that sense life is not a thing – it is a flow of perception. This is the only personally verifiable truth – when perceiving is gone, life is gone as well – literally. Something might or might not exist outside our individual perception but it is only a speculation, not a verifiable truth.

Above introduction is to encourage relating to our own life experience (rather than referring to any external source) in an attempt to pinpoint the defining characteristic of life, its core aspect.

A sequence of separate moments rather than a time-frame

The moment we are perceiving something, we are not perceiving another. As far as one perceives a flower, one does not perceive a tree. In the next moment, a tree is perceived and a flower is not. Irrespective of how many things we perceive in the the same particular moment, the fact is that in that moment, we do not perceive all the rest. Each single moment of our individual perception is life in its entirety in that particular moment. The moment when one feels angry – in that moment calmness is not part of life and vice versa.

Unique, fleeting and never exactly the same

No instance of perception can freeze or remain with us continuously – it is bound to be replaced by a next instance. No instance of perception is exactly the same as any previous or any future one. While in a more generalized way we can say that we have experienced certain feeling many times, if we think twice is that really so? When we eat an apple, does it feel exactly that sweet or exactly that sour as on a previous occasion? In fact, when we are experiencing “now”, the “before” is already not part of life and we can only compare from our memory, not the actual experiences.

With a life being a sequence of individual, unique and ever-changing moments of perception аn essential aspect of its nature is impermanence or change.

What does it matter for us on a practical level?

If we honestly analyze the motives, the reasons and the attitude in everything we do – it seems that all the time we strive to achieve for ourselves some “ideal” life. A life to which we can then hold on to and have the guarantee of keeping it that way… forever. In having that approach, we basically resist the nature of life itself. While we might intellectually understand and accept impermanence and change, we suffer because of our psychological resistance and escapism from the reality of it.

In simple terms – all difficulties in our experience of life, boil down to our incapacity or rather unwillingness to be “realistic” about it. Until our mentality matures enough to truly embrace impermanence and change, whatever we do is bound to take place in a manner of resistance, effort, struggle and therefore can only bring us dissatisfaction and suffering in one form or another.

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– Postulate or imply the existence of some other or extended version of what we experience as the reality of existence in our waking life. Whether we call it other life or lives, parallel realities or whatever have you, without the idea of “something more” to life, the whole point of a religious or spiritual search becomes irrelevant

– Assert in one way or another that knowing (and acting accordingly with) the “truth” of ultimate or extended reality, will somehow help us “get better” – either by reaping immediate results in this life (e.g. making us peaceful, healthy, happy) or by rewarding us in the future (e.g. going to a heavenly state).

In brief, any authentic spiritual path aims to get its followers into the knowledge of ultimate reality and its rules, which it perceives to be of ultimate short- or long-term benefit for the individual.

Here we do not mean to go “pro” or “against” any particular religion or spirituality. It is rather about the practice at the level of the individual, which often involves mistaken approaches that seem to ignore and actually contradict the very aim of the spiritual practice – which is to know ultimate reality and by knowing it, to improve our existence.

Blind adherence

By missing the aim of the particular path/religion they try to follow, people are often conditioned by the idea that they are born into particular tradition and therefore are obliged to go with it. Being born in a Christian family, one feels stuck that he has to believe into Christian dogma; has to believe even if his personal life experience might show him exactly the contrary of what the tradition teaches.

Letting their tradition be predefined by their cultural or family milieu, people give up the very idea of questioning the truths and/or methods of practice. Every ritual, every idea that comes with the particular tradition is taken for granted and followed blindly. Nobody bothers to give a second (or even first) thought about the real meaning and function of what they practice.

The conditioning (conscious or unconscious) becomes so deep that while there is uncritical acceptance by the individual, any trace of inquisitiveness is lacking. The person never seeks personal validation of the truths presented to him.

While above defects in our personal practice of spiritual/religious paths is not exhaustive, those seem to be some of the root ones. By naming them “defects”, we do not mean it in pejorative or judgmental way but rather in terms of efficiency as to achieving the very purpose of spiritual paths.

What is the ultimate result? We end up having countless “paper” Christians, “paper” Muslims, “paper“ Buddhists etc. and very few who actually embody in their personalities the fruit of spiritual practice. People “belonging” to a particular tradition rather than living it as their own personal truth. People that never experience and integrate within themselves even a piece of the virtues of their tradition. People that never question and are never eager (nor encouraged) to explore the truths.

Taste it for yourself

By never applying a healthy level of doubt and unwilling to have personal taste of truth, people end up living in accordance with truth which is not their own, a truth which is hoped for or feared of but never personal. Common religious ideas like “do not do to others what you do not want to be done to yourself” or “karmic consequences” of your actions, become empty of meaning as their validity is based on pure intellectual acceptance with no living proof ever available.

Ultimately, the willingness to question and seek the validity of spiritual truths in our own experience and as our life unfolds, seems to be the only meaningful and sane approach for those who have authentic spiritual aspirations.

Keep an open mind and be willing to explore deeply and personally any truth before claiming it as your own. Whatever the “absolute truth” is, it is absolute exactly because it is beyond time. It will be there for you and does not need you to be in a hurry. No matter how many “untruths” you might choose to investigate and invalidate along your path, it is ok.

Any untruth that you dig into in your life experience by definition can only get you closer to the truth. In fact, while each of us approaches the same ultimate discovery from a different direction, for some of us the sidetracks along the road seem to be necessary to allow us recognize without any shadow of doubt once we have reached the end of the journey.

The post Religion and spiritual path appeared first on Ponder Dimension.

Before the actual story, still for those who have no background knowledge, below is some general information. Ayahuasca is a shamanic potion that induces psychedelic experience. It is used as an approach to physical and mental healing, as well as a path to spiritual and self-knowledge. The active component of the ayahuasca brew is the DMT qualified as a psychedelic drug by mainstream science.

Why normally “drug” implies some form of “foreign” element to the human body, this is not the case with DMT. The body is familiar with the substance as it is produced by the pineal gland and seems to take active role into the process of dreaming and also in experiences perceived as paranormal or metaphysical such as near-death experiences, astral travel etc. Finally, there is much evidence that the pineal gland is what in some eastern spiritual traditions is referred to as “the third eye”.

Why for many decades mainstream science seemed to have no common ground with religion and spirituality, in more recent times it began to find evidence that seem to indicate that many religious or spiritual phenomena are real and not purely the product of myth and fantasy. As far as the DMT, there is a book called “DMT: The spirit molecule” by psychiatrist Dr Rick Strassman documenting his clinical research with DMT injected to sixty volunteers. There is also a documentary with the same name available for streaming on YouTube.

With above introduction and exactly as written down by the person after his experience, below is:

The actual story

“The reason why I decided to write down this particular personal experience with ayahuasca (I have tried it several times on different occasions and with different people) is two-fold.

First, the impulse that I should somehow share my experience came while I was still in that altered state of consciousness and it felt as something that could provide a useful reference point for others.

Secondly, this was the first time when some valuable insights and profound truths came to me as a living experience – truths that I have read about, ideas that I have pondered upon intellectually but hardly ever experienced in such a vivid and personal manner.

I shall skip the details of the location and overall environment in which the event took place. It is enough to say that it was organized in a safe place with the supervising participation of trusted friends having practical knowledge in that kind of things. On this particular occasion I was the only one to “get high” and they were the ones to provide the caring support which one often needs in those states.

The actual part started with me drinking the brew (the two components mixed together rather than separate). Then, with a blindfold on my face to isolate the distracting effect of my eye sensory input, the three of us went into silent meditation.

The moment of transition from “ordinary” to “altered” state of consciousness was, as it has been on previous experiences, not clearly distinguishable. When the impulse to cleanse myself through vomiting (so far I always go through this stage) came, I had removed the blindfold and was leaning over the bucket. Though it can hardly be called “a pleasant” experience, it feels as something “that is right” to happen.

Somehow you know that there is something inside you; something you cannot name and you are not even sure if there is “substance” to it. You do not label it as either good or bad. You just know that “something” does not belong there and the right way to dispose of it is through vomiting. Even though you know you need to throw it away there is some process of resistance taking place and this is what makes it physically exhausting (never felt painful but rather exhausting).

While I was ongoing through the cleansing I could hardly pay attention to anything else (just occasional pictures of the surroundings). Only when I was done with it and “unburdened” (this is how it felt) on all levels, I switched back to being aware of the input from my senses without “gaps”.

This was the stage that was very much “Alice in Wonderland”. Everything perceived (in particular the visual input) was so vivid and overwhelming that it seemed to leave no space for “thinking” about it or at least not in the ordinary sense. Without the intellect, the analysing part, you cannot even say if it is pleasant or unpleasant perception. It seems that the only thing there is or the dominant aspect is the act of perceiving itself. At the same time, this act of perceiving was very clear, vivid, sharp and kind of panoramic. Panoramic in the sense that even when I was looking in one particular direction it was as if I perceived the whole picture, not only the particular focal point of eyesight.

When the intensity of the perception subsided by a degree, the thought process was restarted (or maybe I just became more aware of it) but its coherence developed only gradually. Even though my mind felt very clear, I was having difficulty to “voice out” my thoughts. It was as if I was lacking the vocabulary or was slow in finding the appropriate words to convey a thought or idea, which was perfectly clear in my head.

With the effects subsiding further and me becoming more consistent in thought and speech, I felt light and relaxed. I was already active in talking to my friends but the talk was of different quality. Somehow the thoughts and ideas I was sharing were pouring out by themselves. The formulating of a thought did not seem to precede its expression even by the fraction of a second. It was as if the thought was voicing itself out in the very same moment it was being formulated. There seemed to be no intention involved.

In a similar manner, when listening to what my friends were saying, I did not need to maintain intentional focus on the speaking person. The hearing and the interpretation of the meaning seemed to happen naturally without effort or intention. Last but not least, I was speaking my thoughts in English (which is not my native language) without even going through “mental translation” (which is common in my “normal” state where I first “think” it in my native language and then translate it). This was funny and amazing realization.

The final but most valuable stage for me came when only the more subtle effect of the ayahuasca had remained. The overwhelming perceptions and sensations had disappeared but I was relaxed and with a clear mind and wanted to make use of it through meditation.

I was offered to smoke weed (which is known to invite deeper inner focusing). As I am a non-smoker even of cigarettes, I had a single puff only. Then I closed my eyes and tried to meditate in a “formal way” i.e. being cross-legged, spine straight etc. Tried it for some time but the pre-conceived “correct way” to meditate seemed to bear a hint of insistence about what, when and how should happen.

That insistence felt incoherent with my overall feeling of lightness and relaxation. I just laid on the sofa in a position that felt comfortable enough not to urge much movement of body. I closed my eyes and tried just to be aware, without any purpose whatsoever. It was then that the insights started pouring in. Well, not right away.

With the first “sinking” in the observation, a subtle feeling that “something”, a flow, a force, not sure what, was speeding up in preparation to take me somewhere. The feeling was similar to when one is on an airplane that is about to take off. The engines are on, their noise more and more intense even though the plane itself is still frozen on the spot.

In the same way in which the increasing intensity of the noise from the plane engines “tells you” that you are just about to rush, there was an intuitive hint in that state (no noise) that I was going to rush for somewhere as soon as enough momentum was gained. There was no notion or thought about anything actually dangerous. There was, however, some fear or better call it uneasy feeling about the idea of speeding up, speed that will take you away and which you cannot control. Along with it was the resistance to let go.

Being aware of the impulse to take off and the resistance to it at the same time, I mentally tried to “state out loud” my intention to let go, let go the control and go with the flow, knowing and trusting that wherever it would take me, it would be to my ultimate benefit. This “technique” I summoned out of my readings over the years and accounts from other people that have being through such experiences and spiritual teachers, who often affirm that the ultimate problem, the ultimate obstacle and the ultimate pain in those states is the resistance of the illusionary ego and its unwillingness to let go with the flow.

The more I was reaffirming my willingness to let go, the more the feeling of “speeding up” subsided and I did not actually rush for anywhere (or maybe I was taken to the destination in a flash). There I was, not in a particular place or location but in some kind of vibrational energetic state. Keeping still, eyes closed, I lost sense of my body. Not that I did not have control of my physical body (I opened my eyes and moved a hand just to check) but it was rather that I allowed myself to be to be still and not be distracted from the state.

At first, I seemed to go through some energetic cleansing and charge up. Having lost sensation of my physical body my perception of myself was as some form of energy confined in a “contour”. Even though I now call it energy, I did not perceive it in any particular terms, it was just “something” which existed and had a dynamic, moving, flow-like quality to it but within certain boundary.

Somehow “knowing” that it was “me” in some very essential form, I was inviting a recharge, I was inviting to be recharged energetically, be replenished in whatever way was appropriate and relevant in that particular moment of existence. The invitation seemed to be favoured. I felt inflow of energy in all my areas but most noticeably in my head and my abdomen area (not that I perceived any shape of head or abdomen, just “knew”). The energy that was replenishing me, I did not know its origin but just “made a decision”, that no matter where it came from, its effect on me would be beneficial, reviving, enriching.

Another aspect perceived (not sure about the sequence of events) was that even though the overall movement of energy was “healthy” and in the way “it is supposed to be”, there was some kind of energetic tension in the area perceived as the abdomen and the lower back. It felt as if there was overload of energy in those areas, which was trying to force open valves in the contour and free flow to the outside. Again, there was some aspect of me resisting.

Without any particular suggestion from another source, I felt that by opening the valves, I would release the tension of energy, I would actually feel better but still I was resisting. The previously used technique worked fine also this time – by repeatedly “stating out loud” my intention to open myself, it happened.

There was some playful attitude involved along with a hint of distrust. It was like “Okay, I know I need to open but this resistance…okay, let’s try it…I open the valves…just a bit…seems noting bad, the tension just relaxed a bit, so maybe if I let open more…” and so on. As this was going on, the idea of opening out “beyond” the contour, came the realization that “spreading your energy out” (which experientially felt like untying energy knots in my contour) automatically implied also “letting external energy flow in” my contour. The only way to release one’s energetic tension was through opening and letting external energies in. If you want to “stay away” from the external energy, you are bound to bear the burden of your own energetic tension.

In the next moment, this perspective of energy inflow and outflow emerged as an explanation of another metaphysical and spiritual truth that is often talked about. The truth that no real happiness, peace, harmony (whatever we may call it) is actually possible on individual level unless we direct that same intent for others. The act of intending the happiness (or lack of tension in others) seemed to be the act through which we open energetically and release our own tension.

Even though this realization seemed to be newly discovered, at the same time there was no feeling of surprise involved, it felt perfectly natural, perfectly logical. It did not feel like “remembering” and still there was a hint that somehow I always knew it.

At that stage, I guess I was already surrendered, allowing for “come what may” and trusting that whatever came would somehow bring benefit to me, leave a positive insight etc. It was a blissful state, however, not in euphoric terms. With no particular purpose or earthly concerns, there was some spontaneous joy and satisfaction in the mere awareness of existence.
In that awareness without particular invitation, series of realizations were coming and going. They came as a feeling of certain universal facts and having felt them, I was relating them to concepts and ideas I knew from my “ordinary” states.

For example, a thought appeared about a particular person in my life who had hurt me. Without any particular effort or intent, without analysing “the history” of my relationship with that person, without thinking about “the bad things” he had done to me – I just recognized my wish that this person be happy and harmonious. That wish was there without any particular reason, without any conscious decision on my side.

In a state where you are blissful in the mere awareness of existence, with no feeling whatsoever that you need or lack anything, it felt perfectly natural that you wish all the best to everybody you can think of as there is nothing you demand from others and thus no reason to be disappointed by them. I actually experimented by invoking different people from my life whom normally I associate with not so pleasant personal experiences and the automatic “wish him/her the best” was always there. The term “unconditional love” which is often used in spiritual context seemed to fit perfectly.

The messages continued to come and go and without particularly intending it, it was always like that – I first “felt” a truth, and on becoming aware of it, I recognized it and related it to a term or idea from my “theoretical background”.

Now that I come to think about it, it looks as if I was making a list of inventory, inviting the experience of certain universal truths to be able to relate them to the language of the intellect so that they could sink in and (I hoped) would invisibly affect my life experience and attitudes for the better.

I actually “stated out loud” many wishes, wishes that I would never forget those realizations and in the most appropriate way they would sink in my being and I would keep the energy of those truths in me and would act accordingly and try to emit that energy to others. I did all those wishes with intention and purpose (they say that in those vibrational states thoughts and intention have much more creative power)

Yet any wish I made was very different in a way. Even though sincere and conscious, each wish was made automatically without insistence. You make a wish and then let go, trusting that if and when necessary, the Universe will manifest what you wished for and if it does not, things will be fundamentally perfect anyway.

Among other truths felt, was exactly the same appreciation, love and joy for any “other” which I felt for “myself”. Neither “me” nor “them” seemed to be worse or better but equally worthy. The love and appreciation for “self” and “other” seemed to take place simultaneously without any contradiction.

There was also some kind of universal gratitude, a recognition and appreciation of the fact that everything and everybody that I experienced in my life, had somehow contributed to where I was at that moment. Even the pains caused seemed to be a catalyser, an incentive to evolve.

The truths recognized were fulfilling and soothing. In my ordinary state I would be “hungry” to get the best of it, to experience as much insights as possible. In that state, however, I was perfectly satisfied with what was coming to me effortlessly and with my recognition and appreciation of it.

Well, there was actually something I did wish. I do believe and I always imagined that in those states there would be “somebody” – a higher self, a spiritual guide, something or someone “external” that would teach me, guide me. I have this longing to “make contact”. So in that state I made that wish but with the light attitude and in a semi-joking manner: “Ok, now that I was shown so many truths and realizations which I shall try to properly digest, maybe it is about time that someone out there will show his presence in a more explicit manner.”

Again, though being an authentic wish of mine it was made with the attitude of no insistence. I wished to experience “somebody else” and yet I was not conditioned by that. Whether “he” would appear or not was perfectly ok. If there was indeed somebody beyond me, I knew that when the time was right, he would come. Even if there were nobody, it would still be ok.

I conclude with one last insight that came in the form of a question and an automatic intuitive answer. As I was relating my discoveries to familiar concepts of my intellect, a question came to my mind. Is it possible that because I read such and such books, listened to such and such spiritual teachings etc., because of this, I am conditioned by those pre-conceived ideas and my mind is “inventing” certain experiences, “truths” that seem to match those ideas?

The answer came immediately not as an outright affirmation or negation but rather as a suggestion with a nuance of mocking my doubt in a friendly manner. “Well, even if you are right and your mind is able to “invent” those truths, this is just to prove you that you can also use it to “invent” anything else that you want”.

Some final words:

I do invite anybody who will eventually read this personal account to regard it as what it actually is – a personal experience in a personal quest for knowledge and understanding.

In no way do I advise “for” or “against” the use of ayahuasca or any other similar paths to knowledge. The decision should always be personal. The phenomena experienced by me seemed relevant and appropriate for my particular “level” in that particular moment. The interpretation of their ultimate meaning is also subjective and I can only render it in terms of “the way it felt”.

In fact, I am sure that this was what the title says – a “glimpse” into more expanded picture of reality and I was just an inexperienced traveller and there is so much way to go before I could even allow to myself the idea of having a real knowledge of it.

May this personal story serve in any appropriate way all those who happen to read it in their personal quest towards ultimate happiness!

May the energy of my gratitude and appreciation be always there for my friends who supported me in this particular experience. May it be there for everybody who, one way or another served as a teacher in my life. May it be there for one person in particular, who years ago became (and still is) an inspiration and example for me to dare my first steps out of my comfort zone with the understanding that my life experience is not something that happens to me but rather manifests through me.”

The post Ayahuasca story appeared first on Ponder Dimension.

To start with, in the present context generosity will be defined in a more general way as the act or attitude of giving. This is because here we mean generosity not only in its materialistic or financial expression. Generosity is rather an attitude of being ready and willing to give without demanding or expecting something in return.

Imagine a simple situation where you are having a morning café in the neighbourhood and there is a person sitting alone on a nearby table with a sad face. You do not know anything about that person and you do not have any personal attraction, interest or curiosity about him. You have no personal reason whatsoever. Just because he happens to be sad and you happen to be there, you take the step to join him and try to cheer him up. Generosity might be as simple as that.

“What is in for me?”

Going back to the subject of benefits it might seem that there is a contradiction. On one hand, we defined generosity as giving without demand or expectations. On the other hand, we talk about generosity being beneficial to the one who gives. How do we reconcile those two ideas? The answer to this question relates to our psyche.

What is the necessary prerequisite for giving? First, you cannot give something which you feel that you do not have. Second, you can afford to give only that of which you feel you have enough. Moreover, what is the definition of „enough”? It is completely subjective and can be specified only from the point of view of the individual perception.

It is exactly the perception of having enough that is closely associated with one’s personal feeling of happiness, harmony and well-being. Vice versa – not having enough or the poverty mentality is the origin of stress, dissatisfaction or even depression. Perceptions and mental attitudes, however, can be subject to wilful change and it is what we earn for ourselves automatically when we manifest generosity in any kind. By being continuously generous, we reaffirm to ourselves „I have abundance and for that reason I can share with others because there will still be enough left for me”.

Some traditional spiritual teachings and new-age gurus talk about the Law of Attraction or in simple terms – “you get what you give out”. By being generous, generosity will flow back to you. Being kind to others reaps the result of others being kind to you.

However, it is not necessary that you believe in such metaphysical statements. From purely psychological point of view, the subjective feeling of abundance which you actively train by being generous will help you be more at peace with yourself, because the personal experience that we call “my life” is nothing but a subjective perception of a reality that only seems to be outwardly objective.

The post The attitude of generosity and its psychological benefits appeared first on Ponder Dimension.

At first, that question might seem unimportant. If one should consider for example the benefits of quitting smoking, at least one such benefit is self-evident – the eventual improved health status of the smoker. This is normally the case of habits perceived as negative and we usually do not need much reflection to get convinced about them.

It is not the case, however, when it comes to positive or neutral habits. Why should we bother to abandon the first and not try to cultivate them instead? Why should we take the effort to get rid of the latter instead of live on with them? Do we actually need to look for answers to those questions at all?

I believe we do. For whatever choice we make in our lives, whether conscious or unconscious, there is always an underlying motive to it. The more we act out of conscious motivation, the more focused and consistent we seem to be in our efforts to achieve our goals. Thus, having a clear motive in mind might be crucial for our determination to deal with a habit.

Above questions might of course get multiple answers and many of those answers would often be relevant only in the case of a particular habit pattern.

There seems to be, however, at least one fundamental reason why a person who strives for self-improvement should be willing to get rid of most if not all of his habits. Before we get to it, let us first consider a definition of the term “habit”.

In the present context, a habit denotes a pattern of behaviour or mental attitude which manifests automatically. While some habits seem to be repeated pattern of “actions”, on some deep level they all seem to be “reactions”. In other words, they are a repeated way of responding to situations or conditions perceived to be the same as ones we have experienced in the past.

Now, consider the wording “perceived to be the same” used above (and implying subjective quality) as opposed to “being the same” (thus denoting actual sameness). The very nature of reality and all our experience is that there can never be a moment that is exactly the same in its every aspect to a moment in the past. A habitual reaction implicitly assumes “sameness” of situation which is never there. The differences, however minor they might be, already suggest how a habitual pattern as a way of responding might be fundamentally erroneous.

Firstly, a course of action that was appropriate on previous occasion might not be appropriate at all or at least not most appropriate because of the slightly different details in the overall situation of today.

Moreover, the relationship is bi-directional and self-perpetuating – on one hand we act in the same manner because we perceive seemingly same situations and on the other hand the repeated pattern of behaviour itself seems to further convince us that situations are same indeed.

When we find ourselves for the first time in particular conditions, we are normally more alert and aware in our reaction. Over time we develop familiarity with those seemingly familiar conditions. We relax and act out automatically losing the sharpness of awareness that was present in the first encounter.

In summary, habits prevent us from experiencing situations as new, fresh and unique what they inherently are.

Even if it was not the case and situations were to be fundamentally the same, acting out of a habit would still be lacking in one particular sense – by responding in a repeated manner, we miss to be creative. We lose the chance to try different ways, different approaches and different solutions. We miss the challenging and fresh quality of our own subjective experience of reality.

To be free from habits means to allow for seeing the bigger picture in a more complete manner. For each time you are confronted with a situation and you do not have a prefabricated response, you are left with only one option – to go through it as first-time experience.

The post Why abandon a habit? appeared first on Ponder Dimension.

The point is not to just be philosophical about it or entertain a mental exercise about happiness. We should be pragmatic. For it seems that more and more, individually and collectively we are doing worse and worse in this common quest that we all have. Our personal desire for happiness seems to be contradicting the desire of others. As if those are mutually exclusive and competing goals. We are in constant effort to fight our way on the road of happiness but somehow, we seem to be failing. Even those who are into positions of wealth, fame and power and can in one way or another enforce their ways upon others still do not seem to be genuinely happy.

Why is that? Why does happiness seem to be so unreachable?

It seems that our failure is not due to circumstances or people. There seems to be something fundamentally erroneous in our underlying ideas about happiness that defeats our efforts from the very start.

What is (not) happiness?

What will be outlined in the following paragraphs is not necessarily something new, something you shall hear of for the first time. However, if we start with some fundamental and. to a large degree, verifiable truths and let them properly sink in, we might come with a clue where we do a major mistake.

• Happiness is not a thing or a particular quality of any object, circumstance or person. It is an inner, psychological or mental state that we experience.

Even though most people would agree to that distinction, the fact is that somehow in our lives we seem to look for happiness in acquiring objects, attracting people and achieving circumstances as if those possess a permanent quality of happiness which can stay with us. All those external things might be stimuli to experience state of happiness but they themselves do not possess such a quality.

Why is this distinction important? As far as it is the attitude of our mind towards the external objects that is experienced as happiness and as long as the mind is constantly shifting between different moods, thoughts, fantasies etc., there is no way to be permanently happy based on external phenomena because there is no way to fixate the mind with the same attitude forever on any particular object.

No matter how much you like the taste of ice-cream for example, there is no way to make sure you will always have it available in your fridge or even if you do, your hunger for it will inevitably be exhausted. What you are left with is to go search for next object of happiness.

• Everything in our reality including ourselves is dynamically and ever changing. Our physical bodies change, our personalities change, our interests change, the things we like and dislike change and everything that we get in touch with also changes.

• If both we, who perceive of an external object and the object itself change constantly, even if there might be a point of perfect match with each other, a point of perfectly balanced interaction, there is no way that we stay at that point forever and have continuous state of happiness. Whatever we get hold of, we cannot keep.

A healthier approach

So, which is the “permanent” component of our life? What is the aspect that is really always with us throughout our existence? The only constant variable seems to be change itself. If we really understand and accept that as a truth, we can give up our futile pursuit of “something” (no matter what it is) with the false belief that it would allow us to be happy and then keep us that way forever. The only solid basis for happiness is laid out through the cultivation of an inner attitude of accepting, appreciating and enjoying the ever ongoing change in and around us.

Now, the theory is one thing, the practice something completely different and not necessarily easy. There are ways, there are paths and there are techniques to it. But even by only pondering on the theory, we might relax little by little and let go the energy of struggle for external achievements.

Loosening our individual tensions is a stepping stone to reducing the tension in our interaction with the rest of the world. If one is a believer in the idea of happiness through external circumstances and the possibility to keep them and be “happy ever after”, his life becomes a game of never-ending pursuit and disappointments.

If on the other hand one is disillusioned, there is not so much drama. You would not be fighting with your colleague at work over the promotion of one or the other – simply because you will know for sure that fundamentally such an achievement will come and go as anything else and will not fundamentally resolve anything for you.

Not only for our own sake…

The point is that whatever concerns we might have in our immediate life situation, about our personal relationships with others or even about events of global nature, the first step we should take is to build a healthy inner world and attitude. Without at least some level of inner peace and relaxation as individuals we can only bring that lacking to the external world and create further confusion and tension. So far, we have been very good in doing so.

Our inner well-being is not just a “personal matter” for it does bear influences. Therefore, by having it built on realistic and solid foundation, we are actually caring not only for ourselves but also for the rest of the world. As one great spiritual teacher says in his lectures “To reach any number, you always start with number one”. Each individual is the number one, the small but indispensable contribution to the big picture. By perfecting the small, we shall perfect the picture.

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Motivation as a drive to act works on multiple levels and having a single motive is only temporary condition. We are constantly and often automatically shifting the perspective as we switch between different activities. For instance, it is obvious that we wake up in the morning and go to work with the implicit notion of earning a living. Then, in the evening we go out and have a beer with a friend motivated by the need for a nice talk. If we could imagine a complete interruption of our conscious and subconscious motives, we would find ourselves into an inactive, static state of being. In reality, however, it almost never happens.

If we stick to above explanations, it is logical to expect that by default there would be perfect alignment between motive and act i.e. if the motive is there the act should also take place. Unfortunately, it is not always that simple. I am sure that everybody can think of a conscious goal or desired result (i.e. the motive is there) which however is not backed up by any form of act towards its achievement.

We can speculate that maybe the relationship between act and motivation is one-directional, that each act has an underlying motive but each motive does not necessary instigate an act. A more logical explanation, however, would be that the only reason not to act out a motive is that there is another and stronger motive to the opposite effect.

This goes back to the multiple levels of motivation already mentioned and the overlaying of different motives which depending on their intensity produce a net effect and determine whether to act or not. A conflict arises between the wish to reach a goal and the lack of will to act upon it. It might come disguised in any form, a typical one being to find all types of “good reasons” to delay it day after day. Although partially relieved by having an excuse, as long as the desired result remains, we keep on having the inner conflict of knowing we are not getting any closer to it.

From motivation to action

Above said, we come to a more practical question. How should we motivate ourselves enough to act upon a desired result?

One possible approach would be to try to discover and cancel motives that are counter-productive to our goal and end up with a positive “net motivation” that would give us the necessary push. This approach, however, seems not so easy. First of all, as already mentioned, there are conscious and unconscious motives, the latter being not so easily uncovered. Secondly, the potential multitude of offsetting motives makes it uncertain how many of them we shall be able to uncover.

With all those complexities, we might look for a different solution. Instead of focusing on multitudes of already existent counter-productive motives, we might direct our efforts towards developing or adopting a new motive which is intense enough to produce a positive net result, not by reducing the “minus” side but rather by increasing the “plus” side.

Now, maybe here is the right place to point out that in some cases we do not necessarily have to motivate ourselves to act. That is particularly true when the desired result is external. Thus, instead of repairing the fence by yourself, you might have somebody do it for you. Even with respect to external results, however, it is not always possible to skip the personal effort.

Motivation and personal transformation

When it comes to any form of personal transformation, there is no way out. As far as the wanted result should happen within yourself, nobody and nothing can relieve you from the burden – you either act or you never get it. It is obvious that in this case, you face a problem of strengthening your motivation. Even though a motivational mechanism works on an inner level, its trigger might come (and actually this is what happens most of the time) from the external world.

A good example might be your choice to go to the gym instead of exercising your body at home. If you have ever tried both ways you would likely agree that one of the benefits of the gym is that its overall atmosphere and the people sweating around in physical effort subconsciously act as stimuli to your own practice. On the other hand, at home it is much more difficult to stay focused as you find good excuses in all kind of minor details to surrender to your laziness.

Where the proper incentive is not right in front of your eyes, you can always look around. There are many approaches, many ways and many incentives out there that suit different types of character. Some might suggest step-by-step guidance by a mentor, others might put emphasis on the “the carrot and the stick” leaving it up to you to figure out the details.

Ultimately, it is always up to oneself to choose one that would work best for his personal situation.

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For example, the tendency to be over-passive in one’s relationships might be as ruinous as being over-possessive. Being over-emotional can often interfere with rational judgment e.g. making us blind to the fact that those whom we hold dear might be taking advantage of us. The list can go on and on.

The point, however, is not to label a certain quality as “good” or “bad” per se but rather to highlight the significance in general of all those predominant tendencies that shape what we refer to as “my character”.

Above said, we come to further considerations. If our character is such an important element of our lives, is it something that is malleable, modifiable through intentional training and effort? Or is it something we should take for granted? Is it a combination of mental tendencies and attitudes that we have somehow accumulated throughout our lives often without even being aware? Are we stuck with those accumulations and should we accept as true that any eventual change to the already existing construct of our character just happens by itself out of our circumstances and we can do nothing about it?

What is character after all?

In fact, many people seem to believe that character is a fixed thing. Thus, it makes no sense even to reflect upon it – one way or another it came into being and is already inseparable from us. Therefore, the best thing we can do is learn to live with it just as it is, accepting both the aspects we like and those we hate. This belief is evident when so often people explain their behaviour with statements such as “I am like this” or “This is what I am”.

What many people miss to understand (or choose to ignore) is that the belief itself they hold about character being a fixed construct, is already part of that same construct. In fact, it is exactly the system of beliefs that is one of the building blocks that formed our character in the first place. It is like a worker who took part himself in the construction of a building and still maintaining that the building somehow always existed by itself and shall always be there. Ultimately, each acceptance of a belief even the belief that it is impossible to change one’s character is already an empirical proof to the opposite – that change is possible. Because accepting any new belief or idea is by itself a change of our mental set-up.

From the moment we are born throughout our lives we go through all kinds of situations and are (often unnoticeably) influenced by them. Being into a situation triggers a reaction. Repeated reactions over time affect our perception of reality. Through our experiences we develop certain believes about our reality – such as how it is or how we want it to be. Once we have beliefs that are solid enough, they reinforce the repeated patterns of behaviour that we consider adequate to our perceived reality. Our behaviour and attitudes get into a kind of auto-pilot mode where we just act out of an automatic assumption that we know “what works best” in a particular situation and we just do it.

Thus, the bottom line is that character is an accumulation of tendencies and patterns. The reverse process, even if not necessarily easy, is possible – you tie a knot and then you can untie it.

Some people might not be happy with the idea of character transformation. After all, even if we dislike it, it is still an easier way to go. We can comfortably be “a victim” of the reality when it gets into confrontation with our already pre-set mental world, free from the burden of taking the responsibility for what we are and becoming what we want to be.

The ultimate message of this article is not about convincing anybody what to do or not to do but rather about us always having more than one option to choose from – to change or to remain as we are.

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